Bringing me back to the surface

In the good old N H of S, there is a download system.....
A network of Midwives that you can select from and trust to download and reflect on all of your fears worries and weaknesses without any fear of retribution or ridicule...
These sessions can happen anywhere,... in the staff lounge, the kitchen, sluice, changing rooms... but the network is there .
If you are involved in the loss of a baby or you have been unfairly (or fairly) bollocked for something, you can find a corner and pull your mate in.. and have a good rant and cry
If you are intrigued by some different practice or want to question something, you can call on your network to listen and debate.

The word 'Independent' means 'not being subject to control by others'... but another meaning is 'not requiring or relying on others'... when clearly there are times that we need to.

I have very recently had an experience that has left me rather bereft of my own confidence. Something that I lost sleep over and cried over.
Wallowing in my own self pity made me forget that I was not the only Midwife 'not subject to control by others' .... just because i couldn't physically touch them.

We don't need to touch someone to be touched by their actions.....

I posted my dilemma on the Independent Midwives newsgroup after all else failed to stop me sinking ..... and many of my own network threw me lifelines, by e mail, by kind thoughts.... and even a phone call from Scotland from someone i have never met....

Thank you friends ... for stopping me drowning and taking me back to the land of hope

Slaves to the Machine

Iv'e been reflecting today with a colleague about the way that we take so much technology in our work for granted.
Recently, I've noticed that we are starting to threaten ourselves with extinction if we don't hold on to our skills.
The MCA's who are responsible for taking blood pressure in one antenatal clinic can't use a manual sphygmanometer. Student Midwives are wanting to push buttons and hear beeps rather than use their hands and eyes to develop their Midwifery senses.

A while ago, I transferred one of my women to an antenatal assessment unit for monitoring, as I heard a slow fetal heart beat at her 38 week check which was slow to recover.
The midwife to took over her care didn't palpate to find how the baby was lying to find the optimal place to find the heartbeat, but instead, swathed K. in transmission gel until she found it (after I pointed out where i had been listening half an hour before). She then walked off with no explanation of what was going on or even what the wiggly lines the machine was drawing meant.
I nipped to the loo, and when i came back I met K. walking out with a very puzzled look on her face..... After 10 minutes on the digital monitoring, she had ' met the criteria' of the system she had been put on and sent home....
Needless to say.. she had not met 'my criteria' and I may well have caused a bit of a kerfuffle when I returned to the unit to find out why there had been no explanation to the woman...
I was told ' well find a doctor then'.. so I did... which I really think DID p**s them orf!
Fortunately I had a good relationship with the doctor I found, expalined everything and reassured K.

Let's not forget that not only are our women human, but us Midwives are too... less of the automation... more of the touchy feely stuff please xx

Tricks of the Trade

I am currently providing care for a woman with cerebral palsy.
She is intelligent, witty and funny, and also a clever business woman.
Unfortunately, her use of a wheelchair and unique language (which i am currently learning) gives some ignorant (and supposedly intelligent and sensitive) people the impression of her being deaf and stupid!!
B. went into threatened pre term labour on Sunday evening at 31 weeks. She has a five year old son, but lost her daughter a couple of years ago at this gestation because of concealed placental abruption.
I had been drinking wine, so could not attend to advocate for her, but told her to go straight to the hospital. I rang ahead and the hospital were aware and waiting for her.
She was cared for by the Midwives really well, but the doctor spoke to her in a loud slow voice and babyish language, and tried to get her to take some drugs she didnt want to take, which would stop the labour.
Even though she refused, the doctor came back with a tablet to give her 'for the pain'. on further questioning, the drug was an oral version of the original drug, and the doctor changed her explanation saying it was for 'the pains', which B. refused again. She was also told that her healthy and well grown 31 week baby had a very slim chance of survival.......

B. was transferred to another hospital who had an available neonatal cot, and fortunately, was not bullied any further, and although the Midwives were very curt, and unco-operative towards me (apart from one... thanks V.) they were wonderful with B. ... she even had a specially adapted room and bed with en suite wet room and loo.

She's home now and still intact, so we are keeping our fingers crossed... and i'm not drinking until she's had this baby xx

Fighting our Corner

These last few days have made me realise why i left the NHS. Not the Midwives... the doctors.
In the last week, I have seen the birth of one of my woman's 6th baby.
She has had 2 previous ceasarian sections for breech, but has birth 3 babies normally.
All she wanted was a chance to have a normal birth with this child, as she had vowed it was going to be her last.
The doctors threatened, bullied and tried to frighten my woman into agreeing to a c/s again.
One even withdrew care saying that he wasn't 'experienced enough' to look after her in labour. My woman is a very intelligent, and very private person, who did not take her choices lightly, and would never compromise the health of her baby or herself.. particularly with 5 other children to care for.
All of the Midwives.. including a very supportive Supervisor of Midwives, accepted her decision and eventually, so did a very kind and intelligent Consultant, who was honest about his concerns, but went along with her plan.
She birthed a beautiful girl last friday morning by emergency ceasarian section, after a labour at home and a very hairy transfer to hospital in the snow.
All of her decisions were her own, as was the choice of c/s... all she wanted was to be in control of her life and her decisions, and she got it.
I worry that she feels as if she let herself down by the decisions she made.. but I think she is a Goddess... a Diva and and a courageous example of what all women should be able to do.... make informed choices about their own lives, their own bodies and their own futures.
A colleague once quoted 'we are as brave as the women we care for' and i feel very brave and very proud of my woman's achievement.

The Start of Sharing my Passion

One of my clients has a blog which I follow, which maps out the landmarks in the lives of her family.

As an Independent Midwife, I don't often get the chance to share my experiences and feelings with others, simply because I'm not part of the big NHS machine any more.... so here goes.... the intrepid adventures of Marion the Midwife.