My Big Sister

My Sister called me today......
To tell me that She has terminal cancer and has about 2 months to live.....

I am not in shock... I knew this day would come.... she has had secondaries in her liver for a while now, but we are never prepared for our loved ones to leave us so tragically and permanently.
My immediate reaction was to talk calmly and frankly with my sister... asking her if she felt prepared for her limited future. I felt comfortable doing this, as She has talked a lot about getting herself ready for the inevitable conversation with her consultant.
We discussed how her children, who are adults themselves now with children of their own, had taken the news, what her plan of care was with the Marie Curie nurses, and if she wanted the option to go into a hospice or remain at home.
She told me that she could not cope with telling my brother.... and the sister who doesn’t speak to us any more... and I willingly took on that responsibility for her.

All of the time we spoke, on the outside I tried to be the un-phased, calm Midwife, who listened and gave honest, but hopefully cushioned answers to bad news.
On the inside, I wanted to scream at the Universe for letting this happen to a good kind hearted and vibrant sister

It was Ina May Gaskin who wrote ‘ a spiritual Midwife must be prepared to have her heart pierced, but not to fear it, as this is the way that love floods out, and it will make us better Midwives.

I hope that the piercing of my heart makes me a better sister